Sunday Funnies: Stories From The Help Desk

These were emailed to me by a friend, but sound oh so familiar.  If you work in computer support long enough, you get a nice collection just like these.

  • Tech  support:  What kind of computer do you have?
  • Customer:    A  white one…
  • Tech  support:    Click  on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
  • Customer:    Your left or my left?

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Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find  printer’.  I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.

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  • Tech  support:    What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
  • Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.

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  • Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore.
  • Tech  support:   Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
  • Customer:   No. I can’t  get behind the computer.
  • Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
  • Customer: !  OK
  • Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you?
  • Customer:  Yes
  • Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in.

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  • Customer:   I can’t get on the Internet.
  • Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
  • Customer:   Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
  • Tech  support:    Can you tell me what the password was?
  • Customer:   Five dots.

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  • Tech  support:    What  anti-virus program do you use?
  • Customer:   Netscape.
  • Tech support:   That’s not an anti-virus program.
  • Customer:   Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.

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Customer:     I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

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  • Tech support:    How may I help you?
  • Customer:   I’m writing my first email.
  • Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem?
  • Customer:   Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
  • ****************************
    A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
  • Tech support:   Are you running it under windows?
  • Customer:   ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’

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  • Tech  support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s  press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program  Manager.’
  • Customer:   I don’t have a P.
  • Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob.
  • Customer:   What do you mean?
  • Tech support:   ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.
  • Customer:   I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

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About the Author:

Cybersecurity analyst, pen-tester, trainer, and speaker. Owner of the WyzCo Group Inc. In addition to consulting on security products and services, Bob also conducts security audits, compliance audits, vulnerability assessments and penetration tests. Bob also teaches Cybersecurity Awareness Training classes. Bob works as an instruction for CompTIA’s non-profit IT-Ready Program in the Twin Cities. IT-Ready is a tuition free 8-week program designed to teach students of all ages the fundamentals of IT support to prepare them for an entry level position in Information Technology Support. Graduates of the classes take the exams to become CompTIA A+ certified. Bob is a frequent speaker at conferences such as the Minnesota Bloggers Conference, Secure360 Security Conference2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, the (ISC)2 World Congress 2016, and the ISSA International Conference 2017, and many local community organizations, including Chambers of Commerce, SCORE, and several school districts. Bob has been blogging on cybersecurity since 2006 at http://wyzguyscybersecurity.com

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