These were emailed to me by a friend, but sound oh so familiar. If you work in computer support long enough, you get a nice collection just like these.
- Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
- Customer: A white one…
- Tech support: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
- Customer: Your left or my left?
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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try, it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it.
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- Tech support: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
- Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11.
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- Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
- Tech support: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
- Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
- Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
- Customer: ! OK
- Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
- Customer: Yes
- Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in.
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- Customer: I can’t get on the Internet.
- Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
- Customer: Yes, I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
- Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
- Customer: Five dots.
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- Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
- Customer: Netscape.
- Tech support: That’s not an anti-virus program.
- Customer: Oh, sorry… Internet Explorer.
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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.
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- Tech support: How may I help you?
- Customer: I’m writing my first email.
- Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
- Customer: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it?
- ****************************
A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. - Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
- Customer: ‘No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.’
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- Tech support: ‘Okay Bob, let’s press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter ‘P’ to bring up the Program Manager.’
- Customer: I don’t have a P.
- Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
- Customer: What do you mean?
- Tech support: ‘P’…..on your keyboard, Bob.
- Customer: I’M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
15
JUN
JUN
About the Author:
I am a cybersecurity and IT instructor, cybersecurity analyst, pen-tester, trainer, and speaker. I am an owner of the WyzCo Group Inc. In addition to consulting on security products and services, I also conduct security audits, compliance audits, vulnerability assessments and penetration tests. I also teach Cybersecurity Awareness Training classes. I work as an information technology and cybersecurity instructor for several training and certification organizations. I have worked in corporate, military, government, and workforce development training environments I am a frequent speaker at professional conferences such as the Minnesota Bloggers Conference, Secure360 Security Conference in 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, the (ISC)2 World Congress 2016, and the ISSA International Conference 2017, and many local community organizations, including Chambers of Commerce, SCORE, and several school districts. I have been blogging on cybersecurity since 2006 at http://wyzguyscybersecurity.com